I Survived You

You’re the reason I have life

But you would have been the death of me.

I wish I’d known better than to hope you’d stutter

When you aimed them poison tipped words at my heart,

- One after another.

Eventually I became the un-recyclable due to consistent misuse,

And very much aware that by this fact you were almost amused.

But shortly after truth moved in to my mind i realized

That I’m the one who let you make me a believer in lies.

I considered blaming Daddy

when i paused from blaming you.

-After all he’s the one who didn’t want me-

But then neither did you.

That’s how rejection became my teddy

We'd cuddle each night as i fell asleep.

I’d shut my eyes hoping to shut out

Yells about who you were never meant to keep.

But alas, my eye shutting didn't leave me deaf and.

With time all the pains worsened

And the so familiar vacuum increased

- And I tried desperately to find treatment -

Because all this feeling was my disease.

So I tried to cut me out and leave behind a shell

Because that won’t ever be affected by the hurt he had to share.

But my blade must’ve been blunt and thus it left life in me.

It's as though even inanimate objects were out to make me unhappy!

The word happiness itself was a stranger but I craved its acquaintance

Which is why every note writ ended up in the bin

With that repeated pain-infused, self-death sentence.

I needed a distraction but my pain had my full attention

And it wasn't till after mistaking my body for dents in a vehicle,

That he realized I wasn't worth his exercise and perspiration-

Thus he walked out.

I let it matter till it became my atmosphere.

Convinced that for blood to reject me, I'd be unwanted everywhere

You never seemed interested enough to say something

So I gave up on you both thanks to your indifference and his abusing

Thinking if my partial creators found me so wanting,

Then I must be in need of some major correcting.

But all the grafting and patching I did further ripped me

Till I avoided everything I could be reflected in.

A death diet was the next place I sought relief

Perhaps a variety of tastes would alleviate the grief?

However gorging myself didn’t quite numb me ---

I needed to find more effective pain feed.

The pills first seemed to be helping

When Insomnia somehow became normalcy;

Because the nightmares wouldn’t let me dream of better days

And all my days I lived in depression’s dark hallway.

However soon I couldn’t cope if I’d not ‘popped’ some

-all I ever really wanted was lasting oblivion.

Consciousness had never seemed to add value, and so

If my body had to stay – maybe my mind could go?

But nothing worked, I was miserable, and you cared not.

Till the flower of hope in my mind began to rot.

Whatever made me think you would ever choose to change?

Either way, whatever it was and I got disengaged.

With time I walked away, determined to never look back

and on the way, someone trained me to get my life on track

Now I’m all grown up but found a new beginning

Daily learning to leave the past that wouldn't let joy in.

The cavity in my heart's gotten a permanent filling

So I'm done existing...yeah mom, I'm living.

Dedicated to everyone who's been through (going through) some deep stuff.

Thank God you survived//have held on this long.

Just remember...Jesus will ALWAYS be the answer. :) <3

xxx, Kwiksie~

Lie To Me...isn't it funny? ;)

Hello everyone, and a happy new month to you all!

Once again (same as last year), you may perish the thought of me greeting you with the claim that today must mark the celebration of folly. Because it doesn’t have to.

In fact if you’re a Christian, then it absolutely should not since - last time I checked (scripture that is) - foolishness isn’t something we believers laud.

(Lol, I can almost imagine some people rolling their eyes right about now…) ;)

I hate to burst your bubble but it is true. And this is where I try to convince you:

The Great Commission

Let’s have a quick reminder of what exactly your creative energy as a believer should be geared at shall we?

Matthew 28:18 -20 (NIV)

18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

If we’re supposed to teach them His commandments, what room is there for them to teach us to be lost?

And if we’ve chosen to submit ourselves and remain under the authority of Jesus Christ, why then are we trying to adopt a culture which contradicts everything righteousness stands for? Proverbs 26:18 likens the person who deceives someone else and claims it was just a joke, to a “…madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows…” (NIV)

Can you attempt painting that picture in your head briefly? Think of all the damage that would result from an insane person ecstatically shooting flamed arrows all over the place. Pretty ‘funny’ huh?

How many of us walk around hoping we’d get lied to by someone? I mean, just ask yourself if your default mode is set to expect nothing but lies and deception from each person you encounter in a day. So tell me this; if you won’t enjoy being lied to EVERYDAY or being made a fool of the whole year through…why is it SUCH AMAZING FUN to do just that on one day?

So many relationship wallpapers and love quotes and what nots are very popular on the internet, telling you basically to stick with the person who’s most real with you, or one who isn’t too scared to be honest, and how his lies and deception is what broke her heart or pushed her away and stuff like that.

So if we all agree that lies are not so nice, what makes them so appealing on April first?

Who’s supposed to be Copying Who Again?

You’re the light – remember? They (those who reject Christ) are supposed to see you shining out in the darkness; you don’t snuff out your flame and join them to grope aimlessly. It just doesn’t work that way.

Matthew 5:14-16 (KJV)

14 Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. 15 Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. 16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

So do you think maybe that folks are going to suddenly start worshipping and glorifying God ‘cus we ‘played a good one’ on them or we ‘got ‘em’? Hmm?

You’re probably thinking I’m taking this too far but think about it. We’re followers of Christ. So we follow Him, and lead the lost to Him. So if we’re leading the lost then they should be following us. If that’s the case why is a fad that is clearly an offshoot of the nature of the devil (the father of ALL lies), something you now deem worthy of your attention and even (tragically) your celebration?

It’s very irritating if you ask me. Even more so because of how my brethren so carelessly embrace such worthless trends (a trend that has been going on for a really long time by the way). Deception isn’t new – read the book folks! It was the very thing that helped orchestrate our fall remember? Haven’t we gotten low enough already? If your answer’s ‘yes’ then how come so many of us are still eager to drive the vehicle of the deceiver when we claim to be conveyers of the gospel – of truth!?

So they say it’s okay to lie. So we lie. They powder it up as humor, don it this shiny robe called fun and introduce it to you as ‘Fun Prank’ or ‘Just-a-Joke’.

So yeah, let’s all become ‘the Joker’.
#smh…Batman will never know what hit him...

___________________________________________________________________

Now several people I’ve confronted concerning this have asked me point blank if I’m saying comedians are all going to hell or something.

Whoa. When did I say that?

You see the problem? That question assumes that ALL comedians lie to make successful careers. I don’t agree with that thought line. And shouldn’t we be concerned if we start thinking that it is impossible to generate laughter and be humorous without lying or exaggerating? I mean seriously, are we all that unfunny?

If you check twitter, you’ll see there are funny bones pretty much all over the place. If twitter is too wide for you then come on down to Nigeria! My people lack no humor! Take for instance this ‘African Parents Be Like’ theme that everyone has picked up all of a sudden and which has made the foundation for the fame of several dedicated instagrammers. To be honest, the stuff many of our parents did - whether to ensure we turned out as decent responsible adults, or maybe as a result of what they were fond of back in the day and how different it is from what obtains now - make for great comic relief when looked upon in hind-sight! And the best part is - THESE THINGS DID HAPPEN! Those experiences whether from family moments, or our journey through formal education, or things we did as children – they actually happened. And they can make you laugh regardless. Sometimes the humor source may be in the form of some creative puns, cheesy cracks or satyrs. A situation might even be negative or hurtful and yet there are those gifted with so much wit that they manage to reconstruct things by finding the one thing in the midst of everything else that can be laughed at or seen in a way which helps subdue sorrow.

So what’s your excuse?

Look, I’m not trying to give a lecture on the Dos and Donts of comedy. Making people laugh can be hard work sometimes, I’m aware. But I do know that you can’t give out what you don’t have; to give folks a reason to laugh I believe innate joy is a necessary ingredient. And the only source of joy I know is Jesus Christ. #shrug. He really is the answer to everything. So if you call yourself one of His own, and you understand that it isn’t ‘Some of you’ but the ‘Sum of you’ which ought to bring honor and glory to His name, you’ll understand that EVERY thing you do and EVERY aspect of your life should please Him.

Including your ‘joke’ life.

My life’s purpose is to serve, please and honor my Lord & Savior…I doubt He’d be impressed if I became a witty deceiver. Plus if I’m to live everyday as though it were my last, and if liars still don’t get to enjoy eternal rest, where does that leave me if the last day I lived was the day I joined the world to celebrate folly on April first?

Please, think about it.

xxx, Kwiksie.