For Your Information (2)

Hey people.

WARNING: This is a long post.

So, in my last entry, I shared a bit about how I think the world just might be a better place if we quit acting like we were the only ones in it; and I remember I did say the post was really inspired by a pretty ‘no-big-deal’ type incident (one which was blown into one however).

Well basically there’s this amazing young woman I know who hardly ever sees eye-to-eye with me on most subjects (which is perfectly understandable since, as I’ve said previously, perceptions, opinions and interpretations on most things in life vary from human to human).

The semi-unpleasant exchange which transpired was directly linked to me pointing out that she was currently doing something (which directly affected me) that I’d rather she desist from—A.S.A.P.

That was it.

I don’t really want to go into the nitty-gritty details but that’s just the basic summary of it. I was trying to relay something to someone – a really brief account mind you – and she kept butting in incessantly. I mean, before I’d finish two sentences, she’d ask the very same question that had already been answered maybe five seconds before. She did it a couple times…

Needless to say, I found it a tad rude and irritating and thus I requested (in a rather pleading manner) that she just let me finish my tale.

Now was that so wrong?

Maybe I could have said it better. Perhaps plastering a smile on my face while saying it, despite how I felt, would have helped? Or better yet, could be that just keeping my big mouth shut and letting my emotions of displeasure subside would have been the perfect reaction?

Maybe, maybe not.

Still, I said what I said and it got me an index finger in my face (not literally), accusing me of being the Head chief of the very art of ‘butting in’ that I was whining about.

Was that accusation void of truth? Hardly. I tend to put my flat nose into many a conversation I never received an invite to. Sometimes it can be pleasant and there are numerous occasions when people appreciate my getting involved on my own accord, especially when what I say seems to be of value. But the truth is, more times than not it’s just a big fat pain and they are all probably screaming inwardly; “WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP!?”

I know. Sometimes I can sense when my talk is becoming exasperating (I think we all can but often just ignore the signs), especially when people complain about it with their body language. It’s fine. Noted. To be honest I wish they would just yell it out as loud as their brains were yelling though because if I get really revved up by what I’m saying, I might not really be seeing (or hearing) anything else but the point I’m trying to drive across.

I’m fully aware it isn’t the best habit, however, and God is helping me out of it.

An excessive love for the sound of your voice is just…sad.

Anyway, unfortunately, high populations of people say nothing at all, mask their irritation and often even lead one to believe that they ‘appreciate’ the input. Yet, their spite for the speaker grows with each word produced.

I believe this was the case of this young lady. I fully appreciated (appreciate still) her telling me what she thought of my conversational skills. But that she only exposed to me my flaws because she had taken massive offence at a harmless request and sought to justify herself by playing the ‘You started it!’ card is what saddened me. Greatly.

These are a few reasons why:

1. Just because i happen to have done what is wrong does not change the fact that it is…WRONG. My supposedly being the lead perpetrator of the most vile act, and yet rebuking you for acting in like manner, does not take the ‘vileness’ out of the action but simply evidences the fact that I just may be a shameless 

hypocrite. ‘Everyone is doing it’ or ‘You do it too’ are not licenses in any place on this earth for wrongdoing; and they definitely wouldn’t hold water in any court of law.
Trying to excuse the wrong we do and take the negative focus off ourselves by supposedly exposing the faults of others is neither Christian nor wise.

Scripture says we are not wise if we compare ourselves one with another.
If we've messed up, we need to swallow some humble pie and just admit it. Acknowledging a mistake is the first step to avoiding its reoccurrence.

2. Choosing to inform someone of a habit or behavior you dislike AT THE VERY MOMENT they're telling you of what you do which offends them is a sad and immature habit. It depicts a heart that's unwilling to learn...and those heart types aren't always very healthy.

It just makes one look stubborn and super-defensive, plain and simple.

Even at times when the pattern of delivery is most unsavory, we should develop such an attitude of humility that we are actually able to first hear out the person or acknowledge our slip. Getting unnecessarily emotional and refusing to accept every notion that we have parts to play in the friction that's created in many of our relationships is counter-productive.

If (and even if not) we indeed see truth in what is being said and have noted it down as something we should work on for self-improvement, THEN we can inform the other party of where WE are hurting as well (preferably at a later date though, so it doesn't look like a tit for tat thing).

Effective communication, as we all know, is highly essential in any relationship that’s supposed to be going anywhere. If we keep playing the silent doormats and letting folks wipe their feet all over us it won’t get us anywhere but to a morose land of pent up frustration and bitterness. Likewise, if we refuse to condone any form of criticism whatsoever, regardless of the motive or presentation, we aren’t likely to get very far then…

We aren’t likely to get anywhere really.

3. Love believes all things. Love hopes all things. i.e. >> Love gives the benefit of a doubt. Walking around with the impression that someone's always out to be mean or unfair to you is not nice; either to the person or yourself.

I'm not saying there are not people like that (unhappy individuals who seek to share the hate).

However, for someone to be able to really hurt you (emotionally now) there often tends to be a certain degree of affection for them in existence; so if there's an act you interpret as unfair or inconsiderate, the first conclusion you jump to shouldn't be that the person DELIBERATELY set out to commit this nasty act against you. Where is the expression of love in that? Speculating on and imagining all sorts of negative scenarios which all boil down to the person being impervious and callous is a sad waste of time. If i notice something i consider out-of-character for you

(since i have chosen to believe the best of people and chosen to believe that you are not an imp by design), i will not hesitate to approach you for us to discuss it. COMMUNICATION IS KEY. It is sheer wickedness for me to permanently judge a person to be irreparably flawed in some way by something he or she did, when i have observed the behavior i think is offensive severally and never bothered to correct IN LOVE. Bottling up hurts and grievances instead of sharing them to try and come up with a solution is not a useful principle. Anybody can complain, it takes a caring heart, patience, maturity and a loving spirit to search for the root of the problem, and make visible effort to find a solution.

That's what friends do.

That’s how Christ’s ambassadors act.

Now all this here is just my opinion and derived from my understanding of scripture plus what I’ve learned interacting with people. Maybe what I suggest doesn’t work in all scenarios but I’ll bet it’ll work at some point. Truth is, it would all be tons easier if we’d just obey God to the letter and really practicalize the concept of loving one’s neighbor as self. It won’t happen in a day, but the fact that we even make an attempt is an expression of love for our fellow man.

Remember, no one is the ‘bad guy’ or ‘bad girl’ (Romans 3:23). We are all given equal access to the love of Christ. We are all undeserving of it. We have all lived in sin. It’s the utmost duty of those of us who’ve received the light and truth that is Christ, to share it in every aspect of our lives as best as we can. Whether it’s in speaking, chilling, gisting, dating, rebuking, disagreeing, working, thinking, playing, challenging – anything we are doing! There’s always a way to go all “Christ-like” on the matter.

So keep calm and do your job.

We may not always get it right of ourselves, but the most beautiful thing is…it was never about us in the first place. ;)

Stay blessed people.

xxx, Kwiksie.