The Woman I Want to Be Series (part 9)

   ™ The woman who is disciplined.

That which is most essential, will not always be most pleasantly attained and if I am to be effectively desensitized from the dictates of the flesh, then I must be adequately trained in activities and regimens which improve my relationship with you dear Lord. So I will remain one who welcomes your rebuke and chastisement, knowing it is the one whom you love that you teach to differentiate between right and wrong. All that is good was made by you for my use (and whatever circumstance or challenge which may arise that is not of you, you still turn around in my favor – for your glory) but I was made by and for you. Therefore, I refuse to indulge my flesh and become slave to that which I was

created to rule and have dominance over! I refuse to place more importance in anything than it deserves but rather, choose to keep all things in their rightful places and perspectives. I refuse to let money, food, emotions, fear, trinkets, sex, fame, greed, pride, romance, anger, bitterness, people, envy, sickness, want, etc, take from me or become that which my life revolves around – even briefly! That which you have made available to me to use and enjoy while on earth, I choose take advantage of in the contexts for which you made them and in always in moderation; but that which you have stated should have no place in my life, I do away with permanently and with JOY.

As I am taught by your Spirit, I am ever training this flesh to remain in subjection to You.

xxx, Kwiksie.

Would the Hypocrite please Rise?! :D

HYPOCRITE

Give to the needy,

Show love to the bad.

Pay your debts promptly,

In love and kindness, be clad.

Tell lies to none,

Neither God nor man.

Plant what is good,

Then reap joy from the land.

Forgiveness is a must,

Something you should gladly do.

Slander, malice and hate,

These MUST be far from you.

These are God’s instructions,

You’ll do well to live by the book.

When I am done doing the very opposite,

Perhaps I’ll turn and have a look.

Okwukwe Ifediora

3^rd March

________________________________________________

Hi people. :) I'm sorry i've been away so long...I have no excuses.

Up there is a piece i wrote in 2012. But i was just going through some of my old write-ups and it just occurred to me anew, how easy it is for us to get into hypocrisy - sometimes without even realizing it.

Here's a simple definition of the word from Wikipedia:

Hypocrisy is the claim or pretense of holding beliefs, feelings, standards, qualities, opinions, behaviors, virtues, motivations, or other characteristics that one does not actually hold. It is the practice of engaging in the same behavior or activity for which one criticizes another.^[1][2] In moral psychology, it is the failure to follow one’s own expressed moral rules and principles.[3]

We just tend to feel very good about being that guy or that babe who tells folks the proper things to do and the right ways to behave and the best thoughts to think and all that.

It does feel really really good doesn't it?

Funny enough, half the time we're probably saying the right things. I mean, the message is sound, the motives - on the surface - look pretty alright, the tone and approach could be on-point as well. But then, when our oh-so-perfect messages or rebukes are effectively passed across...does it make it easier for us to neglect to effect the changes we so passionately recommend to others in our very own lives?

I'm not just yarning off the top of my head - this used to be me. Way too often. (It still could quite easily be but now i attack this deadly habit like there's no tomorrow). :D

I'd feel so good after admonishing someone for some wrong behavior or attitude that's in all honesty detrimental to them, thinking what a 'good' person I really (can you smell the pride in my attitude former attitude? Sickening innit?). And then i'd walk away feeling like the counselor of the universe; thoroughly satisfied and proud of myself for getting the usual grateful or awed response i usually received from my audience. (lol, it wasn't all the time though).

I'd feel so good i'd forget to put the check on my own lifestyle or behavior concerning the very issue i was instructing others to be on their guards against. Rather dumb innit?

I know.

But what's amazing is that for awhile (a couple of days to weeks even) i could be walking around oblivious to the way i was damaging myself. I mean, you're going around trying to make the world a better place but eagerly trying to make yourself the only 'bad' that will be left in that same environment. How does that work? Really?

The answer is it doesn't. So eventually i'd catch myself slipping into hypocrisy at one point or the other, and then i'd feel appropriately remorseful and very much ashamed of myself. Sometimes i'd get thought bombs from the enemy that would sound something like:

* Some ambassador for Christ you are. You can't even get it right yourself! Who's going to bother listening to a fake? HA!"

#Eyeroll. The devil is such a nuisance.

Anyway, sometimes i actually listened to all that junk (thank the Lord for growth through His word though) and then i'd feel really sorry for myself and pathetic; then i'd cry and write a really touching 'I'm so sorry' poem to God and then I'd feel better. But you see, remorse and repentance can NEVER be the same just because they both start with the letter 'R' guys! The remorse thing would keep me sensitive for a couple days at most, and then i'd be right back at it.

However, I'm thankful my Father keeps teaching me how to love Him better. So these days when i catch myself ministering to or counselling some person and the Holy Spirit just brings to mind that I haven't been the best banner for Christ in that aspect, i don't stop counselling and go somewhere to sit and look morose. I repent in my heart, ask Him to help me out to be more sensitive and obedient to Him when I'm about to slip, and then I make a concerted, mega-violent and ruthless effort to kill the dominance of this here flesh in that area of my life.

It's been working just fine I must say. :)

Enjoy the rest of your week dear people.

xxx, Kwiksie.~

Thank You For The Now

The betrayal, the pain, the regrets, and the tears.

They were all I ever knew, and they knew me best.

I never got to understand my own actions,

I gave my all too soon and in return received piercing fractions.

Thus each blow to my heart signaled my eyes to express sorrow...

And I taught myself to dread all my tomorrows.

But you've managed to bring me from that point,

Though I can't fully explain how.

So in spite of my dim yesterdays,

At least I can thank you for the now.

None of them ever cared and they didn't pretend they wanted to.

We were alone and wounded and had never even heard of You.

My fury was worthless, fantasies of revenge the only lifeline.

I couldn't protect anyone and growing up took way too much time.

It went on almost forever, and my hatred burned deeper for our abuser and his supporter.

Where were you then and why are you just coming around?

Couldn’t you hear as each day in hurt and pain we screamed out loud!?

I've been told you can fix everything

But in my case I can't see how.

If you wouldn't save me then...

How can I trust you to save me now?

You think you've seen filthy? Well let me introduce you to me.

I'd fill in more details but this life excluding the eternal keeps me too busy.

I hear you're searching for who to save...move along

I'm not money for the bank, and I actually revel in my wrong.

I am successful, influential, and in my youth's prime;

So the only light I want in my life is the one prefixed with lime.

I don't think you know me, but I could care less if you did.

My life is mine to auction, and I’m ignoring your bid.

When people wonder how I manage to be so loved

I look in a mirror, point and say: "That's How!"

So now that you know I’m the reason behind my rising above,

Do you yet insist that for absolutely nothing I thank you now?

I had always hoped that in me you’d trust.

Letting go of your desperation and romance lust.

You chose to learn the hard way by getting bruised

That if you’d waited upon me you’d not have been so used.

But it pleases my heart that eventually you realized

That no one can truly value you until he sees with my eyes.

What you were forced to suffer was never my will

I loved you prior and I love you still.

In truth, you’d known of me but paid little attention

And thus my message of love - grace - forgiveness yet again knew rejection.

It broke my heart repeatedly, your pain.

But even moreso that it was the reason you wouldn’t let me in.

I longed to wipe those tears; heal that broken body and heart.

Evil has had its fun…won’t you let righteousness play His part?

I sense deceit has been well peddled to you

Else why should you be delighted at being played for a fool?

The issue is you’ve got it all twisted

And I’m hoping you’ll correct that before your time here is ended.

You’re convinced you don’t need me?

Your very heart beat proves you wrong.

If you believe it’s the world that loves you;

Then why am I the only one who hung?

You might have become too blinded to see

Just how much you need saving.

But if you give me the opportunity

You’ll have the best reason to give thanks to me.

It may not always seem reasonable

Especially when life’s weight tries to make you bow.

But rather than regret the past and fear the future

You can let me love you now.

Happy New Year beautiful people. :)

xxx, Kwiksie.~