Over Chocolate Cake and Coffee - 2

He remained silent for a long time. “I’ve always wanted to apologize you know. All these years I’ve been wanting and trying to but -- each time I think I have a chance, I just --- I don’t know, I always end up changing my mind like a cowardly goat.” He shook his head. “You didn’t deserve that oh...no one does. And I hate myself for the fact that I’m only just realizing that now.”

She shrugged. “I guess that was why you’ve been following me all this time? To apologize?”

He looked up at her, startled. “You knew!?”

“Of course. Your disguising skills are very sad. Somehow I always managed to spot you before you disappeared but then I’d keep doubting if you were the person I actually saw. Six years ago, three years ago and I think the last time is about a year plus now. How come you never said anything?”

“I was guilty…and scared. Have been all these years. The guilt wouldn’t let me have peace and I had no idea what to expect if I approached you, – I avoided thinking about it to be honest - especially after I found out my anger should have been aimed at someone else all along.”

“Well you’re facing me now aren’t you?”

She smiled encouragingly and although he didn’t think it possible a few moments before, he suddenly hated himself even more. She shouldn’t be acting so understanding. As they sat there in silence, their minds traveled back to the events that changed her life and never ceased to haunt his. She took a few far-spaced sips from her cup while he simply turned to look outside and gaze unseeingly at the cars in traffic outside the shop.

He was the first to break the silence and asked somberly. “When did you hear about her? As in, find out she was the one who did what we blamed you for?”

She took her time eating a piece of cake before responding. “On the news I think.” She looked at him. “What about you? Did you know?”

He shook his head. “I found out during my trial.”

“Oh.”

“I got only six years.” He glanced at her to gauge her reaction but she looked surprised. “I’m sure it must have killed you when you found out. I almost wish it was longer though.”

She rolled her eyes. “You don’t have to say that to impress me. Plus, I don’t really care what your sentence was – I’m actually just finding out. I stopped following the case after her confession and no one around me was to speak of it again.”

The grieved expression on his face wasn’t make-believe. “I swear, you cannot imagine my anguish when I realized the horrible mistake we’d ma--.

“Okay stop.” she interrupted. “It is you who can’t imagine my suffering at being deceived, lured into such a foul trap, and ripped to shreds by someone considered close enough to be family. So just quit it.”

“You’re right, I-.”

“Don’t talk to me about anguish, I beg you. Guilt, regret, shame maybe; not anguish.”

“Fine. What I am trying to say is I’ve never been sorrier for any action and I’ve regretted those choices every moment of every day for the past twelve years! I know what we did is unforgivable but-.”

“It’s isn’t. It was just cruel…emotionally crushing maybe, mentally destabilizing; but certainly not unforgivable.” Her face was blank as she pushed cake crumbs around on her plate with her fork.

Anthony considered her for close to a minute, frustrated, before glancing at his wristwatch. 9:45 Am. He looked at her again as she took another sip from her now lukewarm coffee. For the first time since they began interacting, he noticed the absence of any ring on her finger. He sighed internally. Of course she wouldn’t be married.

“You know, I think this was just a waste of your time and a vivid display of my selfishness. I’ll be leaving now.”

She raised her eyebrow and replaced the cup on the saucer. “What do you mean?”

“My apologies and my regrets are useless because they can’t undo what’s been done.” He felt so defeated and regarded her bare left hand once again. “Things might have been so - so much better for you if it hadn’t been for….”

She smiled and motioned to a waitress to come over. “You aren’t selfish to want forgiveness this guy. You wronged me, I hated you accordingly till I could move on and now you’re trying to lay your demons of guilt and condemnation to rest and move on as well. Simple.”

“Yet I deserve their torment and I know you think so too.”

“Anthony, focus. My opinion isn’t really relevant, but the truth always is. And the truth’s that you may have messed up big time, but then so have I at some point or points in my life, and so has the waiter who served us, and everyone else on planet earth. We may deserve tons of evil based on all the nonsense we’ve ever done but if someone decides to spare us all the punishment we are most deserving of, then why choose to punish ourselves? You have got to forgive yourself. I have.”

He almost laughed at that but stopped himself. What a liar. “I haven’t even apologized, technically.”

She shook her head. “I forgave you guys ages ago silly. Before you got out of jail and began following me around, before we began this conversation - I had already forgiven you.”

Anthony wasn’t buying it.

“That’s not even possible. What are you, some variety of martyr? No one does that please. You should hate us! I bet you do and this is just a front you’re using to hold your anger in check and not bury that fork in my chest.” She said nothing. “How can you be like this?”

She excused herself and spoke to the young lady who’d come to stand by their table, placing another order for what she’d just had. “Look, I’m not that much of a bad guy that I’d just let you guys off the hook and be forming World’s nicest. It’s not about my strength but the person who’s strengthened me. I’d be a wreck if I never met Him and, truth be told, He’s the only reason I was able to let the past go and move on with my life.”

Something changed in Anthony’s eyes. A tiny splinter of hope and relief began to creep in as he assumed she meant she’d found a guy who loved her despite her past. “Your boyfriend? He actually encouraged you to pardon bastards like us?” His tone showed he found the very idea ludicrous. “Wow. Strange guy. But I’m happy for you sha.”

“I wouldn’t say boyfriend exactly. Come, I’ll show you.” She pushed her now empty plate and cup to the side and leaned forward, placing the fat novel in the center of the table and turned it so Anthony could read also.

He barely glanced at it. “What’s this? Have you forgotten books and I were never close?”

“You’ll like this one. Trust me, it’ll answer your questions about my coping strategy much better than I can. The reason I didn’t stay depressed, was able to forgive you all, have moved on with my life and all of the stuff that sounds so mad to you – it’s all in here.”

The waitress arrived then, cleared the empty dishes and placed the fresh order beside Anthony. He looked at her and shook his head.

“I didn’t -.”

“I did. This discussion might take a while so you might as well have something.”

“I see.” He glanced at his wristwatch again. “Look, I’m actually game for this because I really need to understand and I’m near ecstatic that you’re even willing to explain and all, but you know you’ve got work right? I found out your shift begins by ten, unless I was misinformed.”

She shook her head. “I took the day off. Someone told me I’d be kind of busy with other things today.”

With that, she smiled at him for the umpteenth time, flipped the pages of her bible and right there began witnessing to the person who’d hurt her most about Jesus’ love, salvation and the dispensation of grace.

Thanks for reading! ^_^

xxx, Kwiksie.

Over Chocolate Cake and Coffee...

He watched from where he sat as she entered the overpriced confectionery shop, merely a walking distance from the beach. He knew she was just from her house; about three streets away. She’d grown a lot thinner since he’d last seen her – between a year or two, if he was doing his math right. On that occasion, just like all the others, he had been too much of a weakling to approach her and undertake his charge so he’d simply walked away moments before an encounter might have been made between them.

Of course he later regretted it. As he always did.

She placed her order at the counter and sat down to a thick novel in a corner of the shop that was partially hidden behind an enclave of potted plants. He wasn't surprised at her activity choice. She’d always been the bookworm.

He checked his wristwatch, it was almost 8:30am. While making his inquiries in a bid to locate her, he’d discovered that in the past year she had become a part-time nurse at one of the government hospitals. Her shift started at 10:00am. He didn't know how long she planned to stay, nor how much time it would take to do what he needed to, so he decided to approach her once her order was served.

As soon as he saw a waitress heading towards her with a tray bearing a cup of steaming coffee and a slice of chocolate cake, he got up from his table and took a deep breath. He reminded himself to stay calm no matter how things turned out. He didn't know what her reaction would be and avoided speculating on it before unpleasant imaginations would weaken his resolve. He turned and walked towards the back of the room.

When he got to her table, her attention was focused on stirring the sweetener into her cup of coffee. She sensed his presence but didn't look up, assuming he was a waiter. “Please would you mind getting me some sugar? This sweetener isn't quite doing the trick.”

He didn't know what to say and didn't want to startle her - any more than was unavoidable - so he just stood there, waiting for her to look up. After a few seconds, noticing the person hadn't moved, she looked up with a ready smile, thinking maybe the waiter considered her rude and had been offended by her not making eye contact. Their eyes met, hers’ widened slightly, the smile vanished and it took every ounce of courage and will power in him to remain where he was.

“Hello Anthony.” She smiled wryly for a brief moment and then motioned for him to take the seat across from her. He sat down without a word, his throat suddenly very dry. A waiter was cleaning the top of a recently vacated table nearby and she called to him, requesting for sugar. Afterwards, they both sat in silence. He couldn't bring himself to look at her face, she didn't take her eyes off of his.

“So tell me, how has life been treating you?”

He couldn't figure out if the question was posed to further deepen his guilt, or in the actual hopes that some great calamity had befallen him in the past decade. To him, whichever of the two fit the accurate description of her motives, she was justified. In curiosity, he finally looked up from the table cloth he’d been studying to scrutinize her expression and was stunned to find one of real concern displayed.

That made no sense.

He cleared his throat and shrugged. “Better than it should. You?”

He almost kicked himself immediately the word left his mouth. What right did he have to be asking her how her life was when he’d personally orchestrated its destruction?

She smiled into her steaming cup. “Better than I expected actually.”

He was getting confused at this point. Her behavior towards him wasn’t adding up. She was almost…friendly. He eyed her suspiciously for a while, almost doubting if it was really her until a thought hit him. Maybe she’d suffered from amnesia. It could be a selective kind since she appeared to remember him but obviously didn’t seem to recall the incident that should cause her to despise the very sight of him. “I suppose I’m to blame for decreasing your expectations then.” It wasn’t a question.

She seemed to ponder that momentarily before the waiter arrived with her requested sugar and she thanked him. “I don’t think it’s really about who to blame but to whom I owe gratitude.”

He sighed heavily. She was killing him here, and although she had more reason than most to do that, it was getting him impatient and more uncomfortable. “Look, you’re talking crazy and we both know it. I don’t have a loss of memory, alright? I know you’re probably just being sarcastic and trust me, I’m aware that I deserve a lot worse than that but -.”

“I’m not trying to be that or whatever else it is you’re imagining. I’m just grateful.”

“Grateful for what exactly?” He pushed away from the table slightly to avoid knocking something over with his gesticulating. He jabbed four fingers into his chest. “What I did to you? What we did to you? You’re happy that episode happened – what the hell are you even saying? I bet you wish you could rewind time and change all that, or at least fit in a part in the story where you get to drive a trailer over us or something.”

She’d been slowly stirring the sugar into her coffee throughout his outburst, keeping her head down. When she did look up, her eyes glistened and within a few seconds there were tear streaks on her face.

“I’d appreciate it if you quit blurting nonsense here Anthony. I’m the one who should be having emotional outbursts so you can try to hold yourself together.” She swatted a tear from her cheek, irritated at its presence. “I’m not ecstatic about what happened. Of course I’m not. Would it have been nice to escape all that pain? Yeah, I guess it would. But guess what Anthony? It did happen, I did suffer it and I’ve had to cope with that fact. Along the way, while I was doing my best to survive, I found joy and now I’ve learned to live. Would you prefer it if I’d told you I was suicidal? Is that what you were hoping to hear? That I’d become a depressed, miserable, forlorn shadow of a person? Would more tragedy in my life help to feed the guilt you so jealously guard? Hmmm?” She grabbed a serviette from beside her cake plate and dabbed her face. She was still crying, but her expression was one of annoyance.

He bent his head in shame, painfully aware of how right she was. He hadn’t realized it but he’d actually hoped she’d be bitter. It would have been an expected response and he could’ve lived with it, knowing she was warranted to feel that way. What he never anticipated was her finding happiness in spite of their history. He was at a loss for how to handle it.

She looked at him and her expression relaxed a little. “Anthony, my gratitude is for what my life is now. God knows I didn’t even dream I’d get here. It’s for how I’ve been enabled to survive the worst and have come to anticipate the best. I can’t help but be grateful.” He looked at her doubtfully, willing himself not to let any water leave his eyes and she smiled. “If it weren’t for that incident, unsavory and horrible as it was, I might never have gotten to experience some of the things in my life today which give me the most joy and contentment. So as crazy as it may sound to you, I am grateful for every experience that has gotten me to this point in my life. And that includes what happened twelve years ago..."

To be continued...

xxx, Kwiksie.

I Survived You

You’re the reason I have life

But you would have been the death of me.

I wish I’d known better than to hope you’d stutter

When you aimed them poison tipped words at my heart,

- One after another.

Eventually I became the un-recyclable due to consistent misuse,

And very much aware that by this fact you were almost amused.

But shortly after truth moved in to my mind i realized

That I’m the one who let you make me a believer in lies.

I considered blaming Daddy

when i paused from blaming you.

-After all he’s the one who didn’t want me-

But then neither did you.

That’s how rejection became my teddy

We'd cuddle each night as i fell asleep.

I’d shut my eyes hoping to shut out

Yells about who you were never meant to keep.

But alas, my eye shutting didn't leave me deaf and.

With time all the pains worsened

And the so familiar vacuum increased

- And I tried desperately to find treatment -

Because all this feeling was my disease.

So I tried to cut me out and leave behind a shell

Because that won’t ever be affected by the hurt he had to share.

But my blade must’ve been blunt and thus it left life in me.

It's as though even inanimate objects were out to make me unhappy!

The word happiness itself was a stranger but I craved its acquaintance

Which is why every note writ ended up in the bin

With that repeated pain-infused, self-death sentence.

I needed a distraction but my pain had my full attention

And it wasn't till after mistaking my body for dents in a vehicle,

That he realized I wasn't worth his exercise and perspiration-

Thus he walked out.

I let it matter till it became my atmosphere.

Convinced that for blood to reject me, I'd be unwanted everywhere

You never seemed interested enough to say something

So I gave up on you both thanks to your indifference and his abusing

Thinking if my partial creators found me so wanting,

Then I must be in need of some major correcting.

But all the grafting and patching I did further ripped me

Till I avoided everything I could be reflected in.

A death diet was the next place I sought relief

Perhaps a variety of tastes would alleviate the grief?

However gorging myself didn’t quite numb me ---

I needed to find more effective pain feed.

The pills first seemed to be helping

When Insomnia somehow became normalcy;

Because the nightmares wouldn’t let me dream of better days

And all my days I lived in depression’s dark hallway.

However soon I couldn’t cope if I’d not ‘popped’ some

-all I ever really wanted was lasting oblivion.

Consciousness had never seemed to add value, and so

If my body had to stay – maybe my mind could go?

But nothing worked, I was miserable, and you cared not.

Till the flower of hope in my mind began to rot.

Whatever made me think you would ever choose to change?

Either way, whatever it was and I got disengaged.

With time I walked away, determined to never look back

and on the way, someone trained me to get my life on track

Now I’m all grown up but found a new beginning

Daily learning to leave the past that wouldn't let joy in.

The cavity in my heart's gotten a permanent filling

So I'm done existing...yeah mom, I'm living.

Dedicated to everyone who's been through (going through) some deep stuff.

Thank God you survived//have held on this long.

Just remember...Jesus will ALWAYS be the answer. :) <3

xxx, Kwiksie~

Lie To Me...isn't it funny? ;)

Hello everyone, and a happy new month to you all!

Once again (same as last year), you may perish the thought of me greeting you with the claim that today must mark the celebration of folly. Because it doesn’t have to.

In fact if you’re a Christian, then it absolutely should not since - last time I checked (scripture that is) - foolishness isn’t something we believers laud.

(Lol, I can almost imagine some people rolling their eyes right about now…) ;)

I hate to burst your bubble but it is true. And this is where I try to convince you:

The Great Commission

Let’s have a quick reminder of what exactly your creative energy as a believer should be geared at shall we?

Matthew 28:18 -20 (NIV)

18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

If we’re supposed to teach them His commandments, what room is there for them to teach us to be lost?

And if we’ve chosen to submit ourselves and remain under the authority of Jesus Christ, why then are we trying to adopt a culture which contradicts everything righteousness stands for? Proverbs 26:18 likens the person who deceives someone else and claims it was just a joke, to a “…madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows…” (NIV)

Can you attempt painting that picture in your head briefly? Think of all the damage that would result from an insane person ecstatically shooting flamed arrows all over the place. Pretty ‘funny’ huh?

How many of us walk around hoping we’d get lied to by someone? I mean, just ask yourself if your default mode is set to expect nothing but lies and deception from each person you encounter in a day. So tell me this; if you won’t enjoy being lied to EVERYDAY or being made a fool of the whole year through…why is it SUCH AMAZING FUN to do just that on one day?

So many relationship wallpapers and love quotes and what nots are very popular on the internet, telling you basically to stick with the person who’s most real with you, or one who isn’t too scared to be honest, and how his lies and deception is what broke her heart or pushed her away and stuff like that.

So if we all agree that lies are not so nice, what makes them so appealing on April first?

Who’s supposed to be Copying Who Again?

You’re the light – remember? They (those who reject Christ) are supposed to see you shining out in the darkness; you don’t snuff out your flame and join them to grope aimlessly. It just doesn’t work that way.

Matthew 5:14-16 (KJV)

14 Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. 15 Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. 16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

So do you think maybe that folks are going to suddenly start worshipping and glorifying God ‘cus we ‘played a good one’ on them or we ‘got ‘em’? Hmm?

You’re probably thinking I’m taking this too far but think about it. We’re followers of Christ. So we follow Him, and lead the lost to Him. So if we’re leading the lost then they should be following us. If that’s the case why is a fad that is clearly an offshoot of the nature of the devil (the father of ALL lies), something you now deem worthy of your attention and even (tragically) your celebration?

It’s very irritating if you ask me. Even more so because of how my brethren so carelessly embrace such worthless trends (a trend that has been going on for a really long time by the way). Deception isn’t new – read the book folks! It was the very thing that helped orchestrate our fall remember? Haven’t we gotten low enough already? If your answer’s ‘yes’ then how come so many of us are still eager to drive the vehicle of the deceiver when we claim to be conveyers of the gospel – of truth!?

So they say it’s okay to lie. So we lie. They powder it up as humor, don it this shiny robe called fun and introduce it to you as ‘Fun Prank’ or ‘Just-a-Joke’.

So yeah, let’s all become ‘the Joker’.
#smh…Batman will never know what hit him...

___________________________________________________________________

Now several people I’ve confronted concerning this have asked me point blank if I’m saying comedians are all going to hell or something.

Whoa. When did I say that?

You see the problem? That question assumes that ALL comedians lie to make successful careers. I don’t agree with that thought line. And shouldn’t we be concerned if we start thinking that it is impossible to generate laughter and be humorous without lying or exaggerating? I mean seriously, are we all that unfunny?

If you check twitter, you’ll see there are funny bones pretty much all over the place. If twitter is too wide for you then come on down to Nigeria! My people lack no humor! Take for instance this ‘African Parents Be Like’ theme that everyone has picked up all of a sudden and which has made the foundation for the fame of several dedicated instagrammers. To be honest, the stuff many of our parents did - whether to ensure we turned out as decent responsible adults, or maybe as a result of what they were fond of back in the day and how different it is from what obtains now - make for great comic relief when looked upon in hind-sight! And the best part is - THESE THINGS DID HAPPEN! Those experiences whether from family moments, or our journey through formal education, or things we did as children – they actually happened. And they can make you laugh regardless. Sometimes the humor source may be in the form of some creative puns, cheesy cracks or satyrs. A situation might even be negative or hurtful and yet there are those gifted with so much wit that they manage to reconstruct things by finding the one thing in the midst of everything else that can be laughed at or seen in a way which helps subdue sorrow.

So what’s your excuse?

Look, I’m not trying to give a lecture on the Dos and Donts of comedy. Making people laugh can be hard work sometimes, I’m aware. But I do know that you can’t give out what you don’t have; to give folks a reason to laugh I believe innate joy is a necessary ingredient. And the only source of joy I know is Jesus Christ. #shrug. He really is the answer to everything. So if you call yourself one of His own, and you understand that it isn’t ‘Some of you’ but the ‘Sum of you’ which ought to bring honor and glory to His name, you’ll understand that EVERY thing you do and EVERY aspect of your life should please Him.

Including your ‘joke’ life.

My life’s purpose is to serve, please and honor my Lord & Savior…I doubt He’d be impressed if I became a witty deceiver. Plus if I’m to live everyday as though it were my last, and if liars still don’t get to enjoy eternal rest, where does that leave me if the last day I lived was the day I joined the world to celebrate folly on April first?

Please, think about it.

xxx, Kwiksie.

Heads You Lose; Hearts You Win- 4 (Final)

He’d been trying to reach her since the very onset of the plot but the loud nature of their jubilation over her imminent fall kept her conveniently distracted, thus she shook off his every warning and nudging as though He were the bothersome distraction.

The others mocked Him and had a wonderful time while at it. Prior to her getting together with her boyfriend, they had all been less than insignificant because of Him. He’d been in charge and they knew it as each feeble attempt made to overthrow him backfired and caused her to even hold on tighter. She had just begun to experience real growth… until she met her weakness. He was as charming as she was naïve and as devious as she was easily swayed; and he was all they needed to make their dreams come true.

Gradually she got a lot busier – working at church, evangelizing, going out on charity outreaches, helping out the elderly people in her neighborhood whose children were all grown…and trying to get the fellow she had begun crushing on to get to church and to meet Jesus.

Soon there was hardly time to fellowship with her maker.

Then all of a sudden, everyone seemed to notice how gorgeous she was and in no time, there were advances from every corner; co-workers, clients, church members – everybody wanted to have a shot at winning her heart. Of course, it became sort of a nuisance and soon, a good percentage of her thoughts were focused on figuring out an effective solution to this challenge. Then, it progressed to figuring out the best way to pick out the ‘right man’ amongst all the available options that God had – she assumed – brought her way.

Soon in her hunt for who should’ve been her second love, she pushed her first to second place.

Slowly and steadily, she let the enemy use her own hands to chip away at the most important part of herself. Thus with consistent neglect, disregard, and the absence of frequent communication, her once blooming relationship with her Savior began to wilt, and the flesh she had been made dead to…she fought to resurrect.

While veraciously attacking her body with increased excitement, and in a manner that would make one imagine the profession of love were directed at God, he muttered breathlessly just how much he loved her - and she froze.

His thoughtless words echoed in her heart. Oh God, I love you so much!

...she used to say the exact same thing.

All at once, like buds of cotton were instantly plucked out of the ears of her heart, she heard Him. Clearly and distinctly, like he were closer than the aroused individual pressed against her body, she could hear Him calling her back; reminding her how much she was loved by Him, reminding her how much she used to love Him and letting her know she could still walk away. Right away.

Without further prompting she peeled her arms off his sweaty neck and pushed his bewildered face away from her body. In times past she’d often confessed her love for this sweet gentle person within - just as the ‘hungry’ fellow had done as he struggled to balance his breathing - but then without noticing precisely when, she didn’t anymore. And how could she, when she’d let so much garbage waltz in, that there was no more room in her mind for Him?

She adjusted her clothing calmly and unlocked the car door once again, simply shaking her head to every attempted protest from him. She showed him her wristwatch to indicate that she had overstayed her welcome – whether or not she had in his opinion - and got into the driver’s seat. When she looked at him she smiled, but the smile faltered as immediately images of the past few minutes bombarded her mind and a wave of guilt and shame flooded her insides. She turned away but then He spoke  within her again, the voice she had ignored for far too long, and the soothing truth of scripture calmed her. Romans 8:1---Psalm 37:24---Proverbs 24:16… She mentally quoted and re-quoted the verses until she could think of nothing else but the redeeming love and forgiveness Christ made available to her in spite of her weakness and display of carelessness. She faced him again and smiled, promising to have his car returned in good time and knowing without a doubt that the car would be the only thing returning to him from her.

With that she backed out of his driveway and headed for the entrance gate, momentarily feeling sorry for the security warden she was going to inevitably rouse from slumber, but unable to stay on that thought for too long with all the joy and gratitude that threatened to erupt from within her.

As she headed home feeling elated, she momentarily became particularly conscious of the calm beating of her heart – which was in sharp contrast to its general state in recent times – and immediately had something of an epiphany which she noted for future reference.

Although filled with gratitude and thanksgiving to God for providing a way out and making available a second chance for her, she came to grasp that things might have turned out a lot differently – and not gotten so out of control maybe - if she’d simply listened to the One speaking to her heart from the beginning…

It was a lesson she would not be soon forgetting.

THE END.

Thank you for staying with me till now! ^_^

Please share your thoughts (to comment, click on the post title and scroll to the bottom of the page) - I'd love to hear your views, experiences, writing tips, &suggestions as well...

:D

xxx, Kwiksie,~

Heads You Lose; Hearts You Win- 3

She laughed off his request for her to spend the night and tried to maneuver past him but her attempt was the truly laughable event. He raised up the dangers of her leaving by public transportation so late at night and she countered him by reminding him that he owned several cars and that she was a fantastic driver. Well, he let her know, it turned out that only one of the cars had fuel and he couldn’t let her take it in case he had an emergency...

On and on they went.

He reiterated to her that his suggestion was prompted by nothing other than concern for her safety and she informed him that her stubborn insistence was prompted by concern for her reputation. Finally, conceding defeat, he let her know he was going to have to take out fuel from his generator to transfer to one of his cars for her to take herself home. She sat and waited in his living room and after about ten minutes he returned, letting her know the car was ready.

He didn’t have the faintest odor of petrol on him – but what did she know?

She never thought the transfer of petrol could be done so quickly – but then he’d probably done it so many times prior, that he'd perfected the process.

When they’d strolled round, she’d noticed that the generator house was quite a distance from the main building – but hey, she wasn’t Sherlock Holmes so….

Certainly it couldn't be that he'd had fuel in all his cars the entire time. That would mean he lied!
He wouldn't lie just to get her to stay the night. What for?

So after gaining a massive number of points on the ‘Self-deception Scale’, she thanked him and they both walked to the car outside. Just as she was about to get in the driver’s seat he made a sound of mock horror, asking if she she’d found their day together so dreary that she couldn’t even squeeze in a proper goodbye. So she got out and he plastered her to him like stickers on a car bumper - and they called it a hug. Then she tried to pull away but he held on tightly, his face merely inches from hers’– and they called it romantic.

Then he decided to kiss her. And kiss her. And kiss her, until the automatic lock of the car door activated itself. But this time she was quiet as her thoughts seemed to suddenly freeze…

Plus she really didn’t have the breath to call it anything.

Then his lips strayed to the side of her neck, and as though controlled by the same remote, his hands joined in the movement. However, his increase in movement seemed to have the exact opposite effect on her sensory-motor skills. The only things she was sure were moving were her blouse as it progressively inched up over her abdomen guided by his hand, and her chest as the beat of her heart adopted a dramatically quirky rhythm. There was so much tension in her chest, and this she found slightly confusing considering the weightlessness she felt in her stomach.
(It appeared the latter had chosen to so quickly discard the memory of the meal recently packed in it.)

This was it! The moment they had all been waiting for! The complete attention of her physiological system was zeroed in on the very novel, very exciting, very heady feelings the team of his hands and lips were evoking in her. She made a pathetic attempt at protesting and he duly ignored it. What was she doing!? Her brain frantically searched for something to disguise as a logical explanation for her current on-going actions (or inaction) in order to put her at ease and dissuade her from putting an abrupt end to his onslaught.

It was no big deal. They’d been dating for a pretty long time now. This was so much more acceptable than those shameless individuals who would let a complete stranger have sex with them the very same day they met the individual. Plus this wasn’t really sex, it was just common foreplay. There really wasn’t that much harm in letting him do everything but stick his penis in her so it was totally fine. Look at her parents for goodness sake! They’d had her out of wedlock and they were such awesome people --- loved Christ more than anyone she knew. There was no way this was a big deal, she just had a problem. A goody-two-shoes, super-uptight, possibly judgmental, I-must-be-perfect complex. And if she didn’t loosen up a bit, she was definitely going to lose this amazing man "God had brought into her life". She couldn’t let that happen. God would even be angry with her!

So all of a sudden she mentally healed herself from her temporary paralysis and decided to help him out, flinging both arms about his neck and tilting her head back to make access to hers’ easier. He set to work – taking the hint as well as the prerogative of permitting his hands broader coverage of its lower environment...just as its teammate had received in higher regions.

Meanwhile, everyone applauded the brain for an excellent job done. It was going better than they all expected. Over the past months she’d invested a substantial amount of time into polluting her mind - the same mind that had been undergoing stages of renewal by the word of God - and thus , effectively weakened her stance and convictions on major and essential truths. By reason of this, most were hardly worried that some moral reservation would rear its head at this time and mess up all their fun. They were too sure!
However, in the midst of all this ruckus, one person was markedly unimpressed by the antics of the brain and the others and had not ceased in his attempt to alert her to how the lot of them were merely using her to 'catch trips' (fool around). She just didn't seem to hear Him anymore...
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To be continued on next post...

xxx, Kwiksie~